After yet another day sorting through things at Mum's bungalow while we were waiting for some painters and decorators to come and give us a quote, I realised that while Mum was never a hoarder of things in the same way that my Dad was, she still nevertheless has lots of stuff.
In Mum's case it's lots of little stuff.
She has saved every leaflet that came with every bill, every shopping list that she wrote out to phone through to my brother, every paper clip that came on a letter, every photograph whether good or bad. It's been as slow a job sorting through Mum's things, slower even than Dad's garage that was packed to the rafters.
I can't rush any of it as I have found important documents hidden in old birthday cards. For example, we searched high and low for Mum's DNR when the carers needed it and nothing, then last week there it was in a Mother's Day card from many years ago. A treasured photo of my great-grandmother tucked in with old receipts for electrical items that Mum bought many, many years ago. There's no rhyme or reason for where things have found themselves being deposited, well maybe Mum had one, but she never told us.
So while we wait for various deliveries and things to be quoted for I have been sitting and sifting through the minutiae of my Mum's life. It makes me come home and do my own. In little corners of my home tins are being tipped out and small things that might have been saved 'just in case', if they haven't been used since I moved here over three years ago, they will most likely not be needed anytime soon.
One thing for sure they will not be there when my son's have to rifle through my possessions in the future. Even living simply and small as I do now, there are still little things hidden behind cupboard doors, in boxes and in tins that are just not necessary. Yesterday I sorted through my ribbon stash and got rid of virtually everything, this morning it was my handy little box of screws, nails, hooks and the like. It's not that handy if it contains nothing that I need to use.
I thought I had finished my decluttering ... well I have for the bigger things ... now it's the turn of the little ones.
Sue xx
We have managed to give away a printer, a Cricut machine, a binding machine, a clay rolling machine and an unopened picnic rug! All because I was looking for something else and decided that they could all go to someone who would use them. Catriona
ReplyDeleteIt does make us feel good getting rid of things doesn't it. It's like we have been almost persuaded in the past to purchase things that although useful for a while, are just not really needed. Knowing that they are going to a good home is even better.
DeleteBig things are easier; it's just one thing occupying a lot of space. A million little bits and pieces can fit into such a small space..
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly it, it takes so long to go through a box of letters, it was so easy even just to put all the books into bags and drop them off at the charity shop.
DeleteThis hit home!
ReplyDeleteMy elderly relatives have always left behind letters, photographs, theatre tickets, receipts, airline tickets - in every drawer, on every shelf!
I'm determined to break the habit!
The more I think about it the more I realise that I still have lots of little bits myself, I am determined to carry on with this.
DeleteLost my mom 15 months ago and we are just getting to end of clearing stuff out, no birthday or Christmas card was ever thrown away! its been a real slog, her and my late Dad were both hoarders but it was on a much bigger scale than I ever anticipated. Its such an emotional thing too - like sifting through the highs and lows of life in letters and documents is very bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard after the death of a loved one isn't it, and even harder if you have to do all this sorting while in the fug of grief. In a way this will make things better for us when we lose Mum, but it's hard going even now. Bittersweet is the perfect way to describe it.
DeleteGoing through another’s treasures is hard work and takes time. Plus when family members passed, I was the recipient of their treasures! I’m the only one left so I ended up either too much so I had to do the major purge. Every few years, I purge a little more. My sons don’t want anything so I just donate.
ReplyDeleteI don’t like the idea of someone going through my stuff - so I’ve already tossed my diaries and other incriminating stuff! 🤭
I had a big diary burning bonfire before we left Wales there were so many of them. My brother has seemingly inherited my Dad's hoarding tendencies and I am dreading if he dies before me as sadly, he has no-one else to sort through his things.
DeleteIt's so hard going through someone else's personal stuff. Mum swore she had lost her birth certificate and marriage certificate, making it extra hard for me to sort things out where she needed ID. She had no passport or Driving Licence. When she died I found both certificates hidden under lining paper in the display cabinet in the front room. We could so easily have just dumped them in a skip. It was lucky I couldn't bear not to sort things thoroughly when clearing her house.
ReplyDeleteI regularly sort and shred paperwork and have labelled ring binders for financial stuff. I don't want to leave a mess for our daughter to sort out.
I'm on a selling mission at the moment. Any unwanted, unnecessary stuff is being sold or donated from this week onwards.....
Gosh, thank goodness you checked and found those certificates. My Mum had spelt her middle name wrong for years, meaning the LPA had to be counter-signed on every page. Good luck with your selling spree. 🙂
DeleteI've cleared so many relatives houses in my time that I'm utterly ruthless with my own "stuff", I got so bogged down when I cleared the parental home after Dad's death I ended up having a massive bonfire of photos and birthday cards, it was so liberating! xxx
ReplyDeleteYes, I've done this quite a few times before, but this time it feels like it's just me doing it and no one to share the decisions with, but it also means I can be ruthless. It really is liberating once 'stuff' is gone isn't it.
DeleteI really need to go through the little things that I have put around the house. Some, like photos I should scan and place the originals in a photo album. Or get rid of those photo's that are not very clear or good. We shall see. Right now I am going through Moms cookbooks and finding many recipes in her hand writing. Some I will keep but others that she didn't make will be tossed.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Cookbooks with handwritten notes are real treasures, I have one notebook of Mum's with a few recipes and the cookbook that my Dad gave her when they got engaged and he wanted her to know what his favourite meals were. Cheeky boy!!
DeleteIt's a constant practice that everyone should tend to periodically. I have three small organizing boxes on my desk that I need to sort through sometime soon.
ReplyDeleteWe are going to be able to do a lot of desk organisation when we close our company down in a couple of months, now that will be liberating.
DeleteHi Sue, Firstly I'm sorry for being MIA and not commenting, health issues which plague us at times ☹️ I can so resonate with your post😞 It would be extremely hard and emotional going through your Mum's items. When I left the UK I took very few possessions overseas, which didn't bother me at the time but after having children and grandchildren, I find it very hard to part with their clothes, toys, not to mention cards, letters, gift bought. It's very hard to "let go" of sentimental items. I'm a hopeless case but I'm working on it🙏
ReplyDeleteThere's no need to apologise, I hope you are feeling a lot better now.
DeleteFunnily enough we have just been having a discussion about our retirement, and one plan would mean that we would be jettisoning a LOT of our belongings. Luckily, apart from a few really sentimental things I can be tough when I have to be.
I agree with others that sorting through a parent's stuff can be very difficult and emotional. My mother didn't hold on to a lot of things, which made the things she did keep that much more difficult to declutter. I still have a few things that she kept, but, packing my car in readiness to evacuate at a moment's notice, made me realize that I didn't take any of those sentimental items. I am now planning to do another round of decluttering, as a result.
ReplyDeleteIt's so much harder when the treasures that a loved one leaves behind are very small in number and really are much loved items. I can imagine that what you loaded into your car during the recent emergencies you now know to be the things that really mean the most to you. But what a way to find out. I hope things are okay now. xx
DeleteWhen we went to clear out Mum's bedroom, which had remained untouched since she died at Christmas 2019, we were astonished at the amount of small stuff. She was an avid note-taker and list maker (must be where I get it from)....unlike me though, she must have saved every single notebook she'd filled. We found drawers full of them, and 2 suitcases full. It was impossible to go through every single one (would have taken us a month of Sundays), so my sister ended up taking them home to burn in her garden incinerator.
ReplyDeleteKnowing what I've found tucked in the most ridiculous places, I'm glad I didn't just burn or recycle things without checking. Even shopping lists written on the back of important documents. It would seem my Mum's filing of important stuff in her file stopped about five years ago, since then anything was just put in whatever thing she had on her lap at the time.
DeleteIt feels like it never ends, doesn't it? xx
ReplyDeleteIt really does, I've been doing this for weeks now.
DeleteDealing with the minutiae is just as important (and seems to take just as long) as all the "big stuff".
ReplyDeleteMy rule of thumb when I come across something which has been saved "just in case" is to ask "Dog forbid we lost everything in a fire, would I bother to replace this"? It makes putting things in the charity bag/recycling/rubbish bin remarkably easy.
That is the best way to look at things, indeed the way I now see a lot of my 'stuff' ... even including my books.
DeleteAnd yes ... I will always ask the dog. ;-)