They say never shop when you are hungry, you will spend too much, buy too much crap, buy what you fancy in the moment ... and then when you get home eat a banana.
What they don't say is never shop when you are hungry and desperately sad.
I have to stand up and admit to being absolutely heartbroken when we came out from visiting Mum at her care home at the start of the week. I knew for a fact that if I just let Alan drive us all the way home without doing some thing different I would be sobbing for an hour and putting him under additional stress to concentrate on the road.
So, at my suggestion and fully admitting why, we went to Marks & Spencer ... for a look at their Christmas offerings. I thought that being in public and in a brightly lit store I would have to pull myself together and who knows maybe even have a little fun. As you can see from the slightly blurry photo, we may have done a little bit more than look.
We spent just over £95, Alan's half being the larger as it is very meat, seafood and cheese orientated. Mine was a few treats for Christmas and some day to day foods that I am currently working my way through in date order as my freezer is full to capacity.
Did it work?
I have to admit that in the moment it did, but halfway home the lump was back in my throat, the ache was back in my heart ... and I had the added guilt of a spend that I knew I didn't need to feel guilty about, but did anyway.
This year has just about broken me and I am not ashamed to admit it.
Sue xx
Oh Sue my heart goes out to you we had a terrible year with my mum who had a major fall in June and smashed her femur in 10 places, from this she recovered but there were other problems she came home but as she had lost almost all her mobility she gave up and basically stopped eating finally returning to hospital at end of august and passing away on 1st September. We never got to say goodbye as she was found unresponsive in bed by nursing staff my father has been inconsolable my mum was 83 and my dad is 86 and they started going out when my mum was 14 and married 1962. You’re in my thoughts. Heather
ReplyDeleteI am sorry life is so tough right now - I think nice food and a few treats can help make you feel a tiny bit better even just for a little while.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow it is 11 years since my mum passed. We were never really close, but nevertheless, the path to the end was hard on the soul and mind, and I'm still reeling a little from it. You must be carrying a far heavier burden than I did, so I wish you all the strength in the world. Love S.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for all the sadness you are experiencing, Sue. Enjoy the food you bought for you are nourishing your inner self, not just your body.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your sadness and how things are going for your Mum.
ReplyDeleteNot really anything anyone can say to help but just keep keeping on the best you can.
You are in my thoughts, Sue, and glad that you have Alan to look out for you at this sad time. Enjoy some of the lovely food and nurture yourself to keep yourself healthy in mind and body even though your heart is breaking. ❤️Catriona
ReplyDeleteBonjour ,Ici aussi l'année 2025 a été une année pourrie ma cousine et son mari sont décédés à trois semaines d'intervalle au début de l'année et un jour après son anniversaire mon compagnon nous a quitté le 5 novembre et chaque jour avant son décès je quittai la maison de retraite en pleurs .
ReplyDeleteLes pleurs soulagent un petit peu notre peine ne l'efface pas.
Bon courage
This is an incredibly difficult time for you. You know she is being well cared for and you have nothing to feel guilty about on that score. It was a wise decision to have a diversion and go to M&S. May the knowledge that you have so many friends out here in Blogland who care, who truly empathise, and who are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers right now, be a help to you in the darkest moments ❤️🙏
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry to hear how your Mum is declining.
ReplyDeleteI have a cherished memory of your Mum - many years ago I commented on one of your blogs when (sadly) you had felt the need to explain something and apologise for being who you were. Your Mum replied to my comment, thanking me for my kind words.
I have never forgotten her kindness to me, and still (somewhere) have a screenshot of the little exchange.
Thinking of you, xx
It is such a horrible experience to see someone once so full of life slowly declining. We can sympathise. Do what you need to do to keep going and if it's a treat every now and again and helps, even temporarily, try not to feel guilty. Do what you can to have something to enjoy each day.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes
Ellie