Morning Coffee by Mary Bradish Titcomb 1858-1927
Mum was rushed into hospital once again, in the early hours of Sunday morning this time with breathing difficulties. We were literally ten minutes away from visiting her at her care home on Sunday morning, at the more respectable time of 10am, luckily we were still on the motorway when my brother phoned to say that a voicemail message had just come through on his phone, it had been left in the middle of the night but he has his phone off then. My phone is always on, but for some reason this time they didn't call me. 😕
Anyway a quick re-programme of the Satnav and we were headed for the hospital where after a lot of chasing round departments and wards, as she had only just left the A&E department, we finally found Mum looking very frail and very confused.
We are quite confused too, as there is nothing they can do for her except make her comfortable and give her oxygen, something they could very easily have done at her care home, especially since she has instructions on her paperwork not to send her to hospital except in a real health emergency. Which happened a few weeks ago when she had yet another bowel blockage. They are a nursing and hospice type care home as well as residential, so they have a lot of very qualified staff.
We were most concerned that the hospital seemed to know nothing about her. Luckily we arrived just as the cutlery was being delivered to the beds ready for lunch, she was about to be given a 'normal meal', something she cannot eat now as she is on a NHS Level Five diet. They also didn't realise that she is completely bedbound, doubly incontinent and has dementia, so is unreliable to ask any medical questions of, hence them being told by her that yes she can have any sort of food.
I had a good chat with her nurse and then we had to come away as you can't visit during lunch time. You wouldn't think that this was that stressful really, well I wouldn't have years ago, but when it's been going on in one form or another for over two and half years on a very regular basis it's starting to have a real build up effect.
I sent an email to the care home when I got home, not complaining as such but asking why I wasn't phoned this time, and also suggesting they had some sort of Patient Passport type document, just a photocopy from their file, that could travel to hospital with residents when necessary to give the nursing staff at least a head start. It would save a lot of stress. It turns out they have this in place already, although the system keeps letting them down and the document goes missing somewhere between the paramedics and the A&E staff and then never makes it to the ward. They are now going to be raising this matter urgently.
I needed to get all this down in writing so that I have it for future reference, and my blog seemed as good a place as any.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow. 😄
Sue xx
Incredibly stressful, you must be always on edge wondering what next.
ReplyDeleteI hope your Mum is now safely back in her care home rather than the anonymity of a hospital.
She arrived back 'home' late last night. Happily the staff phoned to let me know. 🙂
DeleteI fear this is happening all over the UK. Wishing your mum all the best - hope she is back at her care home now. Xx
ReplyDeleteIt really is, the care system is really struggling. But mum pays a LOT of money each month to the care home, we do tend to expect the best. 🤔
DeleteI am so sorry. These things seem to happen more and more, so worrying for your family. I hope your Mum gets back to her care home asap. Regards Sue H
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part is the stress of it all. Luckily Mum is oblivious to all that. 🙂
DeleteI feel your frustration. We walked the same long, nightmare labyrinth for years with MIL, dreading the phon calls, carers, care home, nursing home, interspersed with hospital, hospital, hospital.
ReplyDeleteIt's the constant drip, drip, drip of decisions and emergencies that really gets to you isn't it. 🫤
DeleteOh Sue, I too am living this nightmare at the moment. My dad has a head and neck cancer that has mutated into a fungating tumour. It's horrendous. The tumour now cover 25% of his lower face. He's on a level 4 diet too. The tumour is growing towards his carotid artery and when it breaches death with be instantaneous. I have tried to care for him but after five years I am burnt out. The slightest touch can make it bleed profusely. Last bleed, I rang for the ambulance and in the 40 mins it took them to come Dad had soaked six hand towels. In A&E the consultant was brilliant. He wouldn't examine him closely but he knew all about these tumours. He was horrified that I had been left to cope with my father with the high risk of him bleeding to death. He wrote a strongly worded letter to Dad's G.P.
ReplyDeleteA week later we got him into a nursing home. Dad isn't confused at all. He's 93 and reads every day, does 10 crosswords and talks to anyone he can capture. He didn't want to go in. He's lived in his home for 66 years. It's been a wrench for him.
The stress has lessened but it's still there. Some days I feel as though I will never get back to being myself.
I completely understand how you feel and the frustration of dealing with inept people is the last straw.
Hope you can find peace and moments of joy in this awful situation.xx
Oh gosh, I really feel for you, thank goodness for that consultant getting you that much needed help. I hope your Dad can continue to get the most out of his days for as long as possible, and I hope that you too can find moments of peace and joy. 💐 xx
DeleteSue, I relate to this so much! We currently have my MIL in a nursing home and they kept taking her out for Dr. appointments we knew nothing about. We finally had to insist they do not have permission to transport her anywhere without calling us first. Currently we have not heard from her for several days and when we tried calling her phone, it went to voicemail. David called the nurses station yesterday to ask someone to go to her room and either fix her phone or have his mother call. We still haven't heard from her or the staff and that was almost 24 hours ago. This is common and it's so frustrating. We can't all just jump in the car every time we need to check on things, so you would hope the staff could be relied on. Sadly that isn't the case. Very scary how much the hospital was about to do wrong by your mother.
ReplyDeleteThis is a terrible situation for you and your MIL to be in. Mum was once 'lost' for over half a day when she still lived at home, so I understand the panic of not knowing where your loved one is at any given time.
Delete(It turned out she had been rushed to A&E in the middle of the night after pressing her emergency pendant button. But when her carers arrived to give her breakfast and she was missing they checked with the pendant company and they said they had not received a call. ☹️
That's horrendous, Sue, to hear how things could have gone so badly wrong for your mum at the hospital. The systems in place never seem to work well and there is no coordination even when health situations are so tricky. Im so sorry for all that you and your mum are going through. It makes me very scared for the future.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs,
Angie xx
The only good thing is that Mum is oblivious to all the drama. She believes everyone is brilliant and everything is just fine. 🙂
DeleteHope your Mum is back in her care home. But the stress for you and your family must be horrendous. Hugs. Xx
ReplyDeleteShe arrived back late last night, and happily they phoned to let me know. 🙂
DeleteI hope your Mum is back in the care home soon. I've been through all this and know exactly what it's like, I think my blog kept me sane throughout. Sending you lots of love. xxx
ReplyDeleteI think typing all this out helped me to get my head around it, and of course it's here as a permanent record now. Thanks. ❤️
DeleteHow frustrating! Your mom is lucky to have you as an advocate for her. I know this caused stress on both ends. ): There definitely needs to be a review in systems!
ReplyDeleteI just wish I was closer and not over an hours drive away. We have to speak out for Mum now, it's so important isn't it. 🙂
DeleteI am so sorry you, your family and your mum are going through this. So stressful. Like others, I hope she is back in the care home now.
ReplyDeleteShe is back now. It's time to relax, until the next 'emergency'. 🫤
DeleteIt's a nightmare. When I was nursing (nothing worse than an old nurse) a paper transfer form was filled out by the nurse in charge with all the pertinent information and more or less pinned to the front of the patient. It would have been the first thing the nurse at the other end would ask for. Does technology speed things up-not if it fails. In a not critical but still annoying example my husband and I went into the government pension office to have the bank account info changed for our direct deposit pension payments. We watched the clerk type it in. Next month it worked for my husband but not for me. I went in, the nice young lady cheerfully said she had at least three people a week come in with the same problem. Does the generation below us, raised in a computerized world, accept these glitches and accompanying poor services, as normal? For me just an annoyance, for your mother, catastrophic.
ReplyDeleteRather ironically the missing paperwork was found at the bottom of a bag ... when Mum got back to the care home!!
DeleteMy mother had Alzheimer's at age 84 and I moved her into an assisted living home until she wandered away at night and I had to move her to a locked facility. I, too, am a retired nurse, so made sure Mom had a DNR in her chart, on the cover of her chart, and taped to the wall at the head of her bed. Alzheimer's is always terminal, so that made sense. I made sure her chart read she would not be sent to an ER unless she needed stitches to close a wound. When she started falling, I had a physical therapist evaluate her and tell me if she needed to be in a wheelchair so she didn't fall. He told me if she could do specific exercises, she'd regain her strength and stability - but the exercises were not possible and Mom was in a wheelchair from then on.
ReplyDeleteWishing each of you here well and all the best to your loved ones.
Yes, Mum has a DNAR, a respect form and a doctors note, advising no hospital admissions unless it's a genuine accident or sudden illness, all highlighted in her medical notes. We do the best we can don't we. 🙂
DeleteI am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this! Fortunately, you were able to get to the hospital in time to update the nursing staff about your mother's medical history and dietary requirements, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt was pure luck that we got there in the nick of time for the lunch requirements, definitely a 'phew' moment. I was determined not to leave without Mum's needs being known.
DeleteI am so sorry to read this, and the equally distressing similar stories in the other comments. God give you all grace and strength to cope with it all 🙏❤️
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad and scary that this happens to so many of us and our relatives isn't it. Thank you Angela. ❤️ xx
DeleteHow very distressing and disturbing that the nursing staff at the hospital had no idea of your mother's medical needs. I am glad you got there in time to let them know.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
It was a scary thought, briefly, of what might have happened. 🫤
DeleteI wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteThank you. ❤️ xx
DeleteThis is sadly a very familiar thing now and I realise has been for years. Every time this sort of thing happens it’s not just the patient who suffers is it………
ReplyDeleteLovely comments above, I’m sure we’re all sending you a big hug x
Alison in Devon x
Yes some lovely comments. It seems a lot of us are going through or have already gone through this mess. 🫤
DeleteThat is very stressful, and I'm glad you are documenting it all. My husband had to be a strong advocate for his father when he was alive. If the family doesn't, they slip through the cracks.
ReplyDeleteThat is so true. 🙂
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